The Thinking Man's Fridge

“In justice is all virtues found in sum” (Aristotle)

There’s been a lot of public whinging lately about the inappropriate penalties handed down by our nation’s judicial system. However, after some brief research, I’ve concluded that the problem is not with our justice system, it is with what the naïve and inexperienced public believe constitutes a crime these days.

To help you all I’ve compiled a list of more notable fines handed down by courts around Australia over the past 2 years. As the courts represent the highest purveyor of judicial legislature we have, it is only right to assume that the more serious the crime, the more substantial the fine will be. Right?

Fines and their crimes (from most severe to least severe):

• $5,500,000 - Sending spam emails
• $40,000 - Harvey Norman opening illegally on Sunday in WA
• $22,000 - Pirating 200 CD's and DVD's
• $9,000 - Fishing for abalone outside of permitted area
• $7,000 - Running onto ground during an AFL match
• $5,640 - Exceeding rock lobster fishing quota
• $5,500 - Wearing anti-Catholic t-shirt
• $5,000 - Selling used cars without a motor car trader licence
• $5,000 - Criticising an AFL umpire
• $4,000 - Baker supplying underweight pastries
• $3,500 - Streaking during Bledisloe Cup match
• $2,000 - Torturing kittens
• $2,000 - Killing a grey nurse shark
• $1,000 - Yelling 'Go Nazis' at an orthodox businessman
• $1,000 - Recording Simpsons movie with mobile phone
• $1,000 - Working as a crowd controller whilst disqualified
• $1,000 - Smoking on Qantas flight and not wearing a seatbelt during landing
• $1,000 - Shooting a western grey kangaroo
• $700 - Shooting a person to death over a $100 drug debt
• $600 - Supplying underage son with alcohol
• $600 - Driving without a licence
• $527 - Notifying 3 home owners that their neighbour is a convicted child molester
• $500 - Driving without a seatbelt
• $400 - Assault occasioning bodily harm
• $400 - Swearing and offensive behaviour in McDonald's
• $400 - Poking policeman in the eye with a lit cigarette
• $318 - Not stopping at an amber light
• $300 - Supplying cocaine causing the death of a prostitute
• $300 - Shoplifting from Woolworths
• $300 - Professional kick-boxer breaking policeman's leg
• $250 - Using a mobile phone whilst driving
• $250 - Choking a policeman
• $97 - Vandalising coal ships with environmental slogans

I find it particularly strange that the bigger the animal you kill, the smaller the fine. I’m also bemused that not stopping at an amber light is slightly more serious a crime than causing a prostitute to overdose on cocaine, that giving your underage son some alcohol is only slightly less serious than shooting him in the head, and that breaking a policeman’s leg is roughly equivalent to shoplifting from Woolworths. I can imagine the prison cell banter:

“I’m in here for breaking a copper’s leg. You?”
“I stole some Tim-Tams from Woolies…”

Chances are the second guy is going to be someone’s b*tch. But I suppose a $97 fine is a fair kick in the pants for a hippy.

The sooner we, the public, get a grasp on what constitutes a serious crime, as opposed to a misdemeanour, the sooner we'll find that our courts are doing just great...